If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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