i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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