Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
