Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
