Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
