whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
