So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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