I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
