im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dating After Heartbreak
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores