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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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  You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (315): View more from New York

  So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.

  (315): View more from New York

  They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.

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• 

  27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?

  (1-504): View more from Louisiana

  That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands

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• (315): View more from New York

  Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.

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• (631): View more from New York

  He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"

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• (518): View more from New York

  It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me

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• (805): View more from California

  i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person

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