Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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