No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?