i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person