Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.

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  (949): She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree. http://tfl.nu/gm08
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (475)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

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  (210): Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly. http://tfl.nu/2xxy
  Replies (19) Good night (1949) Bad night (812)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud

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  (301): We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud http://tfl.nu/i29s
  Replies (21) Good night (2378) Bad night (483)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...

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  (504): his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time... http://tfl.nu/szlj
  Replies (47) Good night (2240) Bad night (7843)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

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  (513): you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp http://tfl.nu/1q8y
  Replies (23) Good night (4746) Bad night (706)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.

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  (773): What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this. http://tfl.nu/0oyt
  Replies (12) Good night (2256) Bad night (951)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.

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  (740): Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward. http://tfl.nu/xwna
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (1725)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie

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  (612): Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie http://tfl.nu/901f
  Replies (4) Good night (2472) Bad night (765)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.

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  (717): Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit. http://tfl.nu/5mnb
  Replies (12) Good night (624) Bad night (2735)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".

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  (803): No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional". http://tfl.nu/sdb0
  Replies (3) Good night (1101) Bad night (564)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

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  (317): Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios. http://tfl.nu/l40u
  Replies (4) Good night (837) Bad night (442)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?

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  (281): Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again? http://tfl.nu/lpz3
  Replies (7) Good night (1594) Bad night (440)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have

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  (312): The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have http://tfl.nu/kcpe
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (459)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.

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  (425): So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height. http://tfl.nu/0pmh
  Replies (9) Good night (577) Bad night (304)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk

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  (508): I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk http://tfl.nu/le2i
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (462)

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