Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.