i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
