Yo dont text me then not text me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
