Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
