home. puking in laundry basket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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