I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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