Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
