Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
