He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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