I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
