On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize