I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
