Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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