if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
