Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
