Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
