He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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