My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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