DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
