I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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