conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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