oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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