you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
