I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
