I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
