I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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