My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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