Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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