you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
