i already hear my dad disowning me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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