If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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