hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
