a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
