I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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