I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
