There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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