I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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