And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
