You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
