I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
