You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
