i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
