If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
