yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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