Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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