Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize