I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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