I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
