Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
