Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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