where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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