The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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