she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
