I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He? As in you personified your dick?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
