My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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