He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
