everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize