Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
