3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
