Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
