i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
