Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I will pee on everything he values.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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