Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
