I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
