Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
