So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
