it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
