And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
