Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
